2020. A year in the distant future when the world would in
that ideal phase with futuristic flying cars and advanced technology. The year
where we’d have robots serving humans but slowly getting intelligent enough to
try and overthrow humanity. The year I would turn 25, I used to laughingly
think. I was very curious about how I’d be, what I’d be doing, and what my thoughts
would be then. But the thought of me turning 25 has always been funny to me. It
still is, when I am 24 and a half. Probably because I was the baby of my house
and always remember my parents and my older brother laughing at almost
everything I did. Neither my political opinions nor my sport team favorites
were taken seriously. They were shrugged off and laughed at as a “baby’s
opinion”. I was never offended. I laughed along with them. Somewhere deep down
inside, I don’t take myself and my opinions seriously. I myself think my
thoughts and opinions are “baby opinions”. The funny thing about writing, which
I always notice, you start with one thing in your mind, with one goal, but as
you type, things head in a completely different direction. I don’t even know
why I mentioned about me considering myself a baby. I was talking about the
year 2020. I even forgot what I wanted to say now.
Yes! So, this was always how I viewed 2020. And it just
seemed so distant. Seemed like it would be a very long time before it finally
came and now, it is less than 6 months away. And my 24 and a half years in this
world have taught me that less than 6 months is not a very long time. Hell,
2020 was supposed to be like a hundred years away. How is it here so soon? How
am I turning 25? How am I an adult already? In fact, 4 years past the “legal
adult age”. I know it isn’t just me and everybody my age is going through this.
But shouldn’t I have come to terms with all of this by now? Each year passes by
real quick and with each passing year my age is going up but I don’t feel that
old. I still feel like a teenager. In my mind, I am probably 16-17. Maybe that
is what mental age means. I heard “old people” say mentally I am in my 20s. And
by old, I mean people in their 40s. I realize that isn’t very old anymore. It
is just like 20 years away and 20 years isn’t a very long time. Maybe my mental
age is 16. I can’t believe I have a mental age now. It was supposed to be
something only old people had. Am I old?
My 12-year-old cousin
thinks I am old. Of course, there’s no way I am the youngest person on the
planet. I might have enjoyed that privilege for a few milliseconds before it
was taken away from me and then taken away from the person who took it away
from me in the next few milliseconds. But it is still very difficult for me to
accept the fact that I am this old. I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms
with it. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I think a part of my mental age is also
contributed to the way I look. I look like a kid with my huge nerdy glasses. I
see raised eyebrows whenever I mention I am 24. People I interact with are
extra nice to me and call me “honey” and “sweetheart”. They probably wouldn’t
if they knew I was 24. I see people younger than me, not called those things
just because they look older. I go with it. I don’t correct people and act all
confident like an adult. I act like a cute, confused kid because I like the
treatment I get. Maybe that is also contributing to my denial and keeping me
from accepting this “fleeting time” feelings I have.
If you’ve taken the time to read this random, structure-less
bunch of words I’ve thrown together and got to this point, thank you! You
didn’t have to, but you did, and I am grateful. If you feel like “OMG! That is
exactly what I feel!” then “Tell me about it!!”. It always feels good to get
that validation that you’re not the only one.
PS - I just realized I’ve mentioned my age at least a million
times. Whoops!
