2020 - I couldn't think of a better title

2020. A year in the distant future when the world would in that ideal phase with futuristic flying cars and advanced technology. The year where we’d have robots serving humans but slowly getting intelligent enough to try and overthrow humanity. The year I would turn 25, I used to laughingly think. I was very curious about how I’d be, what I’d be doing, and what my thoughts would be then. But the thought of me turning 25 has always been funny to me. It still is, when I am 24 and a half. Probably because I was the baby of my house and always remember my parents and my older brother laughing at almost everything I did. Neither my political opinions nor my sport team favorites were taken seriously. They were shrugged off and laughed at as a “baby’s opinion”. I was never offended. I laughed along with them. Somewhere deep down inside, I don’t take myself and my opinions seriously. I myself think my thoughts and opinions are “baby opinions”. The funny thing about writing, which I always notice, you start with one thing in your mind, with one goal, but as you type, things head in a completely different direction. I don’t even know why I mentioned about me considering myself a baby. I was talking about the year 2020. I even forgot what I wanted to say now.

Yes! So, this was always how I viewed 2020. And it just seemed so distant. Seemed like it would be a very long time before it finally came and now, it is less than 6 months away. And my 24 and a half years in this world have taught me that less than 6 months is not a very long time. Hell, 2020 was supposed to be like a hundred years away. How is it here so soon? How am I turning 25? How am I an adult already? In fact, 4 years past the “legal adult age”. I know it isn’t just me and everybody my age is going through this. But shouldn’t I have come to terms with all of this by now? Each year passes by real quick and with each passing year my age is going up but I don’t feel that old. I still feel like a teenager. In my mind, I am probably 16-17. Maybe that is what mental age means. I heard “old people” say mentally I am in my 20s. And by old, I mean people in their 40s. I realize that isn’t very old anymore. It is just like 20 years away and 20 years isn’t a very long time. Maybe my mental age is 16. I can’t believe I have a mental age now. It was supposed to be something only old people had. Am I old?

My 12-year-old cousin thinks I am old. Of course, there’s no way I am the youngest person on the planet. I might have enjoyed that privilege for a few milliseconds before it was taken away from me and then taken away from the person who took it away from me in the next few milliseconds. But it is still very difficult for me to accept the fact that I am this old. I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms with it. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I think a part of my mental age is also contributed to the way I look. I look like a kid with my huge nerdy glasses. I see raised eyebrows whenever I mention I am 24. People I interact with are extra nice to me and call me “honey” and “sweetheart”. They probably wouldn’t if they knew I was 24. I see people younger than me, not called those things just because they look older. I go with it. I don’t correct people and act all confident like an adult. I act like a cute, confused kid because I like the treatment I get. Maybe that is also contributing to my denial and keeping me from accepting this “fleeting time” feelings I have.

If you’ve taken the time to read this random, structure-less bunch of words I’ve thrown together and got to this point, thank you! You didn’t have to, but you did, and I am grateful. If you feel like “OMG! That is exactly what I feel!” then “Tell me about it!!”. It always feels good to get that validation that you’re not the only one.

PS - I just realized I’ve mentioned my age at least a million times. Whoops!